TOP TEN SIGNS THAT INDICATE YOU MIGHT BE AN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN
You might be Orthodox if ...
10) You are still in church more than ten minutes
after the priest says, "Let us depart in peace."
(9) You forget to change your clock at Daylight
Savings Time, show up an hour late, but the service
is still going on....
(8) ...but there are people in your church who still
can't get there on time when the clock gets set back
an hour in the fall.
(7) You consider an hour long church service to be
(6) You buy chocolate bunnies on sale (after Western
(5) When someone says, "Let us pray..." you
reflexively stand up.
(4) You went to church four or more times in a week.
(3) Your priest is married...
(2) ...and your vocabulary includes at least three
words that describe the wife of a priest.
And the number one sign you might be Orthodox is...
(1) You say a prayer before you pray!
More Signs ...You're Orthodox
- You have varicose veins by the time you're twenty
- You don't blink when water is thrown at you
- A greasy forehead doesn't bother you
- You are a wine connoisseur
- You have a library of vegetarian cook books
- You are 60 and can still bend over and touch the floor
- You are a female under 30, yet you have a collection of head scarfs
- You are a male under 20 that has a pair of leather shoes
- You tend to buy shoes for comfort, not style
- You can name a brand of chocolate that doesn't have milk or animal fats in it
- You have Ancient Echoes in your CD collection
- You think palms and pussy willows are the same thing
- You know how to remove wax from clothing
Even More Signs ...You're Orthodox
On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Chinese food.
You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
You can suck/vacuum up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
Lent to you means peanut butter, lettuce & tomato sandwiches, and services at least five
times a week.
You're used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you'll be standing a long, long
You get great deals on Easter candy.
You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling and wax
from your walls.
Before you pray, you say a prayer.
You don't flinch when someone throws water at you.
When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you're
You're experienced at removing wax from clothing.
The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 and a half hours - and
nobody around you complains.
You consider any service two hours or under short/regular.
You know you're in an Orthodox church when the priest says, "Let us complete our prayer to
the Lord...," and there's still half an hour to go.
At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
Your Easter isn't Easter without an all-night party (featuring 10 dishes of wonder food
Your priest is married.
You have seen all members of clergy in purple robes.
You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
You celebrate feast days the night before.
You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul.
You can say "Lord have mercy" 40 times without making a mistake.
You can say "Christ Is Risen"/"Indeed He Is Risen" at least 3 languages.
You have tournaments of red-egg-cracking on Pascha... And you usually know who's being
a wise-guy with the wooden one.
You have multiple priests' numbers in your cell phone.
You actually read the Bible in your spare time.
You've slept overnight in your church for a retreat.
You've grown accustomed to the taste of wine because you've had it since you were a baby.
Even if you don't speak the language fluently (i.e. Albanian, Greek, Russian, etc.) you
could still carry on a decent conversation about food in it.
You've been or plan on going Constantinople.
You could write a book on the symbolism in an Orthodox wedding... during the wedding...
because they are just that long.
You wonder why others complain about having to "fast for 6 hours before a blood test".
(6 hours....piece of cake!)
But most of all.....you're in awe of every time you walk into an Orthodox church, no
matter where in the world it is.....and you thank GOD that you are an Orthodox